When people hug me, I always try to hold on for as long as possible until they try to move away.
It’s like, jokes on you bitch you’re mine now.
My anaconda will consider it
My anaconda has, upon review of the information presented with it’s partners, decided that it, in fact, does not. My anaconda apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and thanks you for your time.
Re: Your Anaconda,
Thank you for your consideration. Please keep my cover letter and resume in your files in case of any future openings. Good luck in all future endeavors.
A bunless hun
The best thing a girl can do is be able to dress like a boy and still know she’s hawt as fuck
My boyfriend touches me like my cat.
“AUGHH MY FUCKING BOOB WTF.”
If you can’t eat the crust on a pizza then you are weak and natural selection is coming for you.
If you don’t have a dick, it’s because you’re a girl. If you don’t have a girl, it’s because you’re a dick.
People that name their kids after tv show/ movie characters:
“Katniss, put the squirrel down.”
“Augustus stop you are giving mommy feels.”
“Dean, you can’t do exorcisms in the basement.”
“Loki, you’re adopted.”